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Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron,” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”