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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool.

I can resist everything except temptation.